I’m going to keep this brief (for me) because I don’t have the heart for a longer version. Mum had a stroke just over two weeks ago and ended up in Base Hospital initially, where she had a fall; not their fault I hasten to add. Once they were sure it was a stroke, and that she was doing okay, they moved her back to Hawera Hospital for rehab.

Mum’s speech is fine, but her swallow reflex might be a bit dodgy; she can’t eat bread or similar for now. Her brain is okay, but there are certainly holes in both logic and memory from time to time. That may get better over time. She walks okay, but is always on a walker now, not just a walking stick. The biggest hurdle was transferring from bed or chair to walker and back but she has that sorted now.

However, she is very frail and has lost all confidence, and needs support to go to the toilet etc as she is scared of falling – I think her eyesight got worse with the stroke too.  She is up 3 or 4 times a night so it’s quite a challenge.

Mum has decided that she no longer feels safe being at home alone in the afternoons when we’re at work, and also doesn’t want Tony and I having to get up that often at night. She has chosen to go into Te Mahana Resthome, where she was going for two days day care each week, on a permanent basis. In theory, if she’s a lot better after a month, she can try coming home but I honestly think the most she’ll manage is some Sundays and Mondays when I’m not at work.

Tony and I feel sad it has come to this; we all wanted her to stay with us till she died, but she shows no real sign of doing so and now it is out of our hands. It is a huge change for us, as we’ve been living with her for 14 years as carers now.

So, that’s where we are at. My heart is heavy and I have cried a lot, but I know it is best for Mum. 


10 thoughts on “Mum…

  1. Pingback: Grandma isn’t coming home « The Faith Files

  2. Be strong; your mum has shown that she is strong enough to make the decision with dignity. Sad for you, and a huge change, but your mum is also giving you the gift of the pleasure of her company without the increasing difficulty of 24 hour care. She knows it would wear you down, and now you can enjoy one another without the responsibility of being a tired carer.

    Wishing you a wonderful new support routine with lots of light and laughter in your visits.


  3. Something that strikes me as amazing are your words “Mum has decided….She has chosen…”
    What an amazing blessing it is, at her stage in life, to still be able to makes decisions and choices for herself.

    When DH’s Dad went into a home during the last year or so of his life we didn’t like it either but we really loved that he was able to make the decision. Sure life may have intervened and lead him to that decision but how many people have that much control over their destiny during their twilight years? To still be able to make choices and decisions – I’d call that a huge achievement.

    Embrace her strength when you are sad.


  4. Hi Cath I was just thinking last night that we hadn’t heard from you for a while and there was your tweet. Very sorry to hear your mother has been so unwell but like the others my first thought was that it was wonderful that your mum was able to make this choice Untitled Folderherself, my dad could not understand when Mum couldn’t look after him 24 hrs anymore Hoping you are having lovely day over there and things are looking better. Kind regards Wendy


  5. Dear Cath, don’t be so sad, your mum made the best decision for her own daughter because she loves her! She did realized that was far to much for you and Tony and , as a mother, she decided to look after you. There is plenty of love and caring in your family! Ciao Margherita


  6. Oh Cath…Melissa is right. As soon as I read that your Mum made the choice I felt better. Not happy but better. And if she can come a couple days a week that would be good and might end up a transition home. This is probably the best solution to a no-win situation. Your Mum is a very smart woman. Hugs. I bet this is really really hard.


  7. Oh Cath I have only just caught up with reading this. I really don’t know what to say that hasn’t already – so huge hugs to you and Tony, thinking about you with lots of love xxx


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