As many of you know, until May of this year my Mum was being cared for at home by Tony and I, and had been for 14 years. She had a stroke and decided to go into a rest-home as she no longer felt safe alone when we were at work. In the months since her health has got progressively worse, despite the wonderful care she has been receiving. Her kidney and heart problems were reaching end stage.
Mum spent 3 weeks in hospital recently and we decided, along with medical staff, that Mum would return to the rest-home and never go back to hospital. If she got sick we would use comfort care only, and if she got an infection such as pneumonia we would not treat it. Mum had simply got too sick.
Friday last week her health deteriorated rapidly overnight and the palliative care nurse was called in. We got to the home at 10am and basically never left again. We had a quite rough afternoon and evening but by midnight Friday she was comfortable. I went home for 3 hours sleep, and Ailsa went for off for a bit when I got back.
Ailsa and her family were down because we had already planned an early family Christmas, so both Ailsa and I and our husbands, and most of her grandchildren were able to spend time with her. The rest-home manager, Judy, sat with Mum for an hour while we had Christmas lunch – Judy said Mum would be proud of us for doing the family thing for her.
Mum slept all afternoon with us stroking her hands and hair, and talking to her. She passed away peacefully late afternoon Saturday with Ailsa, Tony and I right with her.
I am glad she found the peace she needed to be able to let go and join Dad. I will miss her terribly but I am grateful she is no longer in pain.
I want to share some of the things I wrote to say at the funeral: I ended up only saying part of it, for various reasons, so here it is:
Cath, my thoughts are with you and your family. I understand what you mean about quality time, and it’s a priviledge. Sorry this is late. I’ve had problems catching up. God bless.
ath, my sweet friend….I am only just catching up on you and your life ……and I’m stunned to learn about your mum. I wish I could stretch my arms out and wrap you in a big squishy hug. I am so sorry for your loss and if I had known sooner I would have written to send my sympathy and to recognize this tremendous shift in life as you know it. It is such a sad time to lose her as you want to cling to family tradition and memories wrapped up with the holiday…..but think how glorious this year was for her – pain-free and joining in the choirs of angels.
Oh, my heart is heavy for you my friend as I can imagine how lonesome you are for mum.
Sending you light…and love. XO
Very very sorry…but what a wonderful opportunity you had to know your Mum in ways most daughters never do. And to be able to speak of her at her funeral, that is a special opportunity too. I’m glad you had that time.