As 2019 ends…

The end of another year, and the end of a decade. This year I’ve worked hard, actively relaxed, spent quality time with Tony, contributed to the wider profession, had an art exhibition with Dimmie at Lysaght Watt, visited Penny and Alan on the West Coast a couple of times, been to Punakaiki to the pancake rocks, gained a nephew-in-law and a great-nephew, kept my weight steady-but-slightly-heavier-than-I-want and increased my daily steps to 6,000. Not a bad year’s work all up…

And the decade? Hmm. Stepped up to my current role, gained a great-nephew in Australia, sat with Mum as she passed, had weight loss surgery, renewed old friendships, had a car accident, enjoyed endless hours of art & craft, and celebrated our silver wedding anniversary.

Looking back at my blog from December 2009 the following stood out:

Having passed my chest infection on to my husband (remember marriage vows – for better or worse – this is worse) and my mother (blast! at 85, it’s not a good thing) – I’m feeling a bit better. Although the house still sounds a bit like a TB ward really. Now that I have my coughing under control, and a wee bit of energy back, I need to get creating. I’m still the same – creating is my relaxation and my saviour.

This year I have some personal goals, which I am not sharing, but am internally visualizing instead. My word this year is intended solely for my art, although as I live with and use the word I have no doubt I will start to find it fits with the whole of life. Why? Because my art and the whole of my life are inseparable. So, what is the word? MAP. It’s amazing to think I have been doing #OneLittleWord for over a decade now.

And Faith wrote: Grandma has a chest infection, but the staff kept asking about the big bruise on her arm – and Grandma couldn’t remember how it happened. When we got home Mum and Grandma were laughing, saying that at this rate the Police will be round any day to accuse Mum of beating up Grandma. I remember this so well – I was really concerned they were going to report me for abuse, and I still remember how she got the bruise.

As 2019 draws to a close, I am grateful for Tony, Faith & Goldie, family, friends, work and art. Here’s to a great 2020.

August 2019

Hiding the flaws

 

 

Repurposing supplies

I love scrapbooking. It might not be ‘trendy’ anymore, but I enjoy recording our lives, documenting what I know of old photos, and generally playing with paper, scissors & glue. I was a tutor for a national scrapbooking company so had access to all the newest supplies; one of my favourites was Basic Grey

I was tidying up some supplies today and found my stash of old letters. Some of the self-adhesive ones aren’t any more. and I had quite a lot of Basic Grey heavy paper letters left. All the useful letters like a, e & s are long gone, and I’m left with a pile of g, x and q! 

I was going to throw them out but suddenly realised I could repurpose them. Out with my 16×20 Gelli plate and some Gold Open acrylics. I put down one colour, then used the letters as masks and pulled a print – the yellow one shows what this looks like. I removed the letters, put down a fresh colour, more letters and overprinted; I did three layers on each.

The page that looks a bit like old leather is where I pulled the leftover paint off the plate each time. I’m not sure what I will do with these yet, but like the look, and have tucked the paint covered letters away to use another day. 

Friendship

My best friend Sandra is a Christmas baby. Yesterday she had lunch with her family, then came to us for birthday dinner & wines and spent the night. Her dog Bruno and Faith sort of ignore each other in a friendly way – Faith isn’t well socialised to put it bluntly. Today Tony took her to Hawera to visit a few family graves. This journal page, using some of my more recent supplies, is about our friendship.

One Little Word for 2020

Every year I join #olw – One Little Word with Ali Edwards. In 2019 my word was ‘deep’- you can read about why I chose it here. In previous years I’ve had prepared, intention, mapping, balance, calm, and determined. My word lives on the wall above my desk, as a reminder of what I want to do and who (how) I want to be. This year my word is TRUST.

Did ‘deep’ work for me? Yes, mainly. It encouraged me think deeply about issues; not always easy when we’re accustomed to 140-character tweets as conversation. It reminded to dig deep personally so, despite physical pain, I have gone from 4,000 to 6,500 steps a day. I learned to dig deep emotionally, to understand the many things contributing to my addictive nature and unravel some of the (deep) pain that drives self-soothing with food.

So, why ‘trust’? Last year I tested a few words, thinking about their meanings and what could work for me. Today I was doodling with a white pen in my new black Dylusions journal and, without thinking, grabbed my favourite alphabet stamps. Before I had time to realise what I was doing, I had stamped TRUST on the page. Ok then, that’s a pretty clear message from my subconscious!

What do I think TRUST might mean for me in 2020? I will TRUST:

• my artistic process
• my instincts about people and situations
• that everything will be ok whatever happens with Tony’s health
• myself to eat properly to maintain my weight
• in the process for building our new multi-use library
• myself to balance work and leisure for my wellbeing
• the universe to look after my best interests

Lovely news, thanks Mum

I am delighted that my niece Rosie and her husband Jason are the very proud parents of Harry James, born early yesterday morning 21 December 2019 by emergency C; weight 5lb and totally perfect. Rosie is fine too; thank goodness for good medical care which, in this case, was literally life-saving. I’ve talked about it before so won’t go into it again – but if you would like to support them on their difficult journey, being walked in love, you can donate here.

I have done a page in my Dylusions journal about it because art helps me work through the feelings. Yesterday I cried. Tears of gratitude that Rosie survived a high-risk pregnancy. Tears of love for a baby who was at considerable risk. Tears of admiration for Jason, learning to be a Dad even as he learns to walk again following an accident that could have killed him. Tears of sadness for all the babies who couldn’t stay with me. Maybe even a few tears of jealousy at Rosie becoming a Mum when I never managed a live baby. (it’s ok Rosie – it’s me learning to feel, not eat as self-soothing)

7 years: a second ago, & forever

It’s 7 years today since Mum died. She was very ready to die and we knew that. Ailsa and some of her family were here, by coincidence, and we spent the last 36 hours by her bedside at the home.

Released with love? Yes. Grateful she could finally let go? Yes. But…

Tony and I were Mum’s caregivers for 14 years, so Mum was a big part of my adult life. I miss her company. I miss telling her random stuff about my day. I miss reading to her from A A Milne, or new picture books that I think would make her laugh. She loved the ‘Walter the farting dog’ series.

We bought her a hospital bed and it had a wonderful memory foam mattress – I used to nap on it in the sun on a Sunday afternoon while she snoozed in her lazyboy chair. Mum sometimes said, as I held her hand to cross the road, that we’d swapped roles from when I was a toddler, and that was true. But as she watched over me while I napped, she was the caregiver again.

My brain is always restless for a couple of weeks prior to today’s anniversary. It’s not as awful as it was the first few years, when I had disturbing dreams. Once today is over, I come right.

Someone asked me, kindly, last night if there was some guilt I need to let go of? Maybe – Mum had wanted to die at home, but spent 6 months in the rest home (of her own choosing). Or perhaps it’s just that today marks a massive change in my life and the restlessness is my way of acknowledging that.

Either way, I miss you Mum. I’m pleased we had those 14 years together. It was hard work, but I got time with you most daughters don’t get, and that’s a privilege in today’s busy world. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

 

Recording words that inspire

As people who read my blog know, I often use lyrics when I don’t have the words myself – or just because I like the song. I’m trying something a bit different; recording parts of Ted Talks and similar that inspire me. This is from a talk Tim Minchin did at UWA. I love his humour, but also the messages he shares. I suspect there’ll be more pages with his thoughts yet. 

Dylusions: small journal. Paints: Bubblegum pink, Funky fuchsia and Lemon Zest. Stencils: Honeycomb, Retro & Teardrops. Stamps: Dy’s alphabet. Other: Tim Holtz tall text stamps, Archival ink Distress collage medium, Distress ink, white gel pen, Pitt big brush pen.