Uncertainty #BlogJune 21

I’m someone who prefers certainty – I have a fairly routine life and like to plan ahead. I have none of that at the moment and it’s unsettling for me.

Today I’m heading home after 10 days away in Hokitika, relaxing on Alan’s farm and doing art with Penny. In that time Tony has become permanent in the rest home and seems to be settling well. That’s great news for him, for both is us really.

But it leaves me with a new reality to face largely on my own. There are people who I love and who support me; thanks Ailsa, Sandra, Yasmine, Alan and Penny. But day to day it’s going to be just me.

I haven’t lived alone for any length of time since I was 18 and I have physical constraints to cope with in terms of running the house, and major surgery coming up. It’s a big change financially too.

The biggest change is how Tony and I are going to navigate this new life. When do I visit? How often? Can he learn to use an iPad to chat with me? Will it be safe for him to come home for a few hours at the weekend?

So much change and uncertainty. Food, especially chocolate, has always been my go to when I’m stressed. I know I have to avoid that, which adds a layer of pressure. Life is changing, but love is certain.

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