Ok enough in my own skin

I’ve been chatting with a friend about the spare skin that comes with significant weight loss. Deciding or surgery, or not, is a big deal and impacts on your physical and mental health.

In my case, surgery isn’t an option because of the risk of ending up on life support again due to my dodgy airway. I doubt I would do it anyway. I’m ok enough in my own skin most of the time.

I also support those who feel the need to get it fixed so they can move on; I think there’s balance needed though. When you’ve abused your body so much you need weight loss surgery, your body is never going to be perfect and that needs to be ok for your mental wellbeing. (I may be wrong on that of course – maybe perfection is possible?)

Small Dylusions journal. Paints: Chopped pesto, Lemon zest, Periwinkle blue. Stencils: Teardrops, Diamonds in the rough, Shutters. Stamps: Dyan’s alphabet. Other: Tim Holtz tall text stamps, Distress Ink, Archival ink, white gel pen, Pitt Big Brush pen, Distress collage medium. 

spare skin 20190708.jpg

And still the words come

I am remembering hurts that are long-buried – and, oddly enough, as I pour out the words it’s generally not that painful. I thought there’d be endless tears, but there’s not; I am a bit obsessive about the journalling though.

As promised, this is very warts and all – two of these pages talk about the point where sex became a chore, and the start of my affair with Tony (who I’ve now been with for 26 years, so…), the pain of seeing everyone else have a baby and the years I spent on a fertility drug.

The process of remembering, recording, covering up and moving on is very healing.   I  continue to visit the cemetery a lot in my lunch breaks, and sit near the memorial stone to lost babies. So much healing…

clomidlove and lust tonyodd ones outwhen sex isnt fun