Accepting change

Change – sometimes we fight it, sometimes we accept it. Our lives are changing a lot at the moment and, for the most part, we’re accepting it with (fairly) good grace. That doesn’t mean we like it, but we know fighting it will only make it worse.

Oddly, for me, as Tony’s health has got worse over the last few months I haven’t said much on FB. Twitter is my late night support, so I’ve been more upfront there. Perhaps I haven’t wanted to deal with people who know me – know us – reading about it? I’ll come back to that thought. Twitter is more anonymous, despite being a group of people who provide me enormous support.

Since Tony’s last two stays in Base Hospital, including HDU, his health and quality of life have deteriorated. The list of medical issues we’re dealing with has got longer – as one Dr said “we’re dealing with multiple significant health issues and it’s a juggle”. Tony’s decided we won’t investigate anything new, we’ll just deal with existing issues, and I support his decision. As a result he’s cancelled some scheduled tests.

He’s on serious pain relief, and has some memory and cognition issues too as a result of his vascular problems. Tony doesn’t feel as confident driving any more – something he’s always loved – and, combined with the medical issues, has decided to sell his car. Next week he’ll be getting a wee red mobility scooter so he can zoom up town and buy milk etc.

It’s a big change for us. He can’t go and visits friends on his own. Vet trips with our ancient cat are up to me, as is buying the groceries and so on. On a good day he might decide to use my car, but I doubt it. And of course we’ll need to use Standby for all his out-of-town medical appointments.

So, lots of changes. And not great ones either. But it’s ok … and we’re ok.

And coming back to writing this for the people who know us personally. I now when I’m talking to people at work, like my boss, I am very matter of fact. It’s not that I’m not feeling it. It’s the opposite. I can’t afford to start talking about the emotional side most of the time – there are a few people I rely on, and everyone else gets “just the facts maam”.