When I journal, it really is the good, the bad, and the ugly. Currently I’m using a Dina Wakley mixed media journal, which I love, to “download my head”. If you’ve been foll wing me a while, you know I’ve had weight loss surgery and as part of that journey have faced up to my food addiction, abusive first marriage, miscarriages etc.
All my feelings get poured out into my journals, and I share all my pages, but some of that I don’t want others reading – and don’t even want to re-read myself because the psychologist think that creates a ‘loop’ in your head.
How do I write down the hard stuff, then share it safely? There’s a number of things I do:
- Cover the writing with a light coat of gesso or Tim Holtz Distress Paint
- Put it in a sealed pocket or enveloped attached to the page
- Cover it with printed tissue paper, such as the Tim Holtz range
- Use scribble writing – this is my go-to
I did the background with Tim Holtz Distress paints and StencilGirl stencils, and the tag with Andy Skinner stamps using Stampin’ Up ink and a red Tombow, then wrapped some red cotton round it. I used a thick black Pilot pen for the journaling and added some messy burgundy and red cotton under the tag with Tombow glue to ground it a bit.
This page talks about some hard stuff we’re facing at the moment, and how I feel about it. It’s personal and involves other people – it’s not just my story – so I needed to think about their privacy too.
Sometimes you have to open up old wounds if they’ve never really healed. It’s hard and it hurts but, ultimately, it’s the only way to heal and move on. I had a message from my best friend of 50+ years last night, Sandra, talking about my infertility and some of the stuff that happened. I won’t share our conversation, or what prompted it, but that kind of honesty is gold and I’d expect nothing less from her. She has my back, and always has had.
I’m starting to journal out my deepest thoughts about my miscarriages and all the things that went along with being infertile when everyone around me was having babies; the impact on my marriage, the people I loved and who loved me. Some of this is really shitty so I have written on the canvas in such a way that it’s unreadable – but my heart and soul know what’s written there when I look at it. As is often the case, the images might not mean a lot to other people, but each one has meaning for me.
These wounds are deep (deeper than I have ever before acknowledged, even to myself). It’s going to take more than one or two journal pages and paintings to work through it, but I feel like I’m finally on the journey. Thank you for being part of it by listening.
Okay, so I live on the other side of the world. In a different time zone. In a country about to have elections of its own. In a land 17 hours ahead of the USA. And yet, despite those differences, I feel like the world I live in changed today, changed for the better. And changed irrevocably.
Today the people of the United States of America voted overwhelmingly in favour of Barack Obama for their new President. Leader of the most powerful and influential country in the world. Barack Obama; an African American President of the USA. The world has changed tonight.
I keep a small 8×11″ scrapbook which is filled with personal stuff. How I feel about things, what is important to me, major events in my life. It has the day the Berlin Wall came down, the day the Princess of Wales died in a car accident. This weekend it will have the day the American people said “yes we can” to Barack Obama.